Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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