You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
so much tequila, so little girl.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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