You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize