She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
