I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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