If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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