So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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