you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
