I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am naked and annoyed.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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