i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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