i don't like sucking hair
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize