remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am midnight drunk by noon
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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