...so i touched it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
