I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
