i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My cat gives me a boner
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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