Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
