I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am puke
worst night to have a conscience
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
