you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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