So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize