Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
