so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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