I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
