Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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