have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
