hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
