After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
