garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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