Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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