he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
