i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
