Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
