i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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