Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
