as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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