So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
