I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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