remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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