Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
