Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
