I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize