i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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