how can u be prego again
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
