She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
