I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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