the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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