Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
