He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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