Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
