my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
