question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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