Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize