Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
