Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
