i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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