I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
