So drunk its hurt
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I had to cum in my sink.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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