she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
