What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
