Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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