I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
