do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
