that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
