Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It was confusing and full of hummus
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
